You're still gone, baby, gone
by LadyyM
Summary: May 15th 2012. - Unicorn Baby's anniversary special one shot. Today marked a special date for Amelia. She should have been up all night struggling to make a birthday cake for a very special boy of hers, she should have been stressing about perfectly matching the napkins to the balloons and paper plates for a superhero themed party instead of mourning the loss of her son.
_Considering time-jumps, etc, I consider that Grey's Anatomy (season 12) is not in 2016 but 2017 since Ellis Shepherd was born January 2016 according to the Grey's Anatomy wikia, making it the 5th anniversary of Unicorn Baby (anniversary of the day the episode aired: Private Practice's 5x22 "Gone, baby, gone"). You are free to not follow this timeline, it's kinda messed up. :)_

 _Don't forget to tell me what you think! It was really hard to make (RIP Baby Shepherd) as I decided to go a little dramatic by following the Merder/Omelia parallels and using Meredith/Derek from 3x15._

 _I made this one shot before watching 12x23 but tweaked it a little to fit after/inside this episode;_

 ** _*** SPOILERS***_** _therefore Amelia and Owen are not engaged in this one shot, but he did buy his house._

* * *

Today marked a special date for Amelia. She should have been up all night struggling to make a birthday cake for a very special boy of hers, she should have been stressing about perfectly matching the napkins to the balloons and paper plates for a superhero themed party instead of mourning the loss of her son. Those are the thoughts that crossed her mind while she contemplated her face in the bathroom mirror, as the sound of the water faucet filling the bathtub in a steadily rhythm echoed through the room. The late morning light crept through the tiny window of her shared-bathroom in Meredith's childhood house, leaving a bronze glow in the room. In her dreams Derek would be there, holding his nephew in his arms with Zola, Bailey and Ellis at his side while they all blew the birthday candles that Amelia had carefully placed on a store-bought chocolate birthday cake after failing miserably to make a proper one. Her new-found family in Seattle would be there too. Maybe Owen as well, who would have taken her son as his. The house would be filled with noise and laughter; happiness. Anything but the deadly ambient silence that Meredith's house was bathed in right now. The kids had been dropped off to school and daycare, while Maggie and her sister-in-law had been called in for an early surgery. The neurosurgeon had nothing planned until later today and for the first time, she wanted to stay home; knowing that the hospital held too many people who could ask questions, and today just wasn't the day.

No one knew about this day. Except Addison and everyone else in Los Angeles who had already tried to call her multiple times this morning. A big part of her privacy had been yelled across the hospital's ER, against her will, but her unicorn baby, her son, that was a whole other story that she liked to keep for herself. Owen was the only one here who knew about her son, she had opened up to him before they had even reached a point of being intimate to each other but after they had established trust. Amelia trusted him before she even considered loving him, which was definitely a huge step for her.

She stared into the mirror, stared back at her reflection but there was no real intention in her gaze. Just void and emptiness and hurt. The countdown to this day was always hard, all week she had kept herself busy and managed to raise no suspicion at all, even towards Owen though now they lived together in his newly-bought house. It was just like any other day, she repeated to herself, just any other day. Except it wasn't.

After a while, Amelia turned the faucet and water stopped pouring. She let her bathrobe fall to the ground, and one feet after the other, leisurely stepped into the tub. It was hot, nearly scalding hot. Every inch of her skin that dipped into the water seemed to both disappear and ignite each of her nerve endings at the same time. She blew a hesitant breath before slowly sitting down into the water, hugging her knees to her chest. Her hair was let down in messy dark curls just past her shoulders, cradled by the soft back-and-forth of her chest according to her heartbeat. Adjusting to the water temperature, it gave her to opportunity to empty her head of all the unwelcome thoughts that passed by; chanting the voices of the people she had lost and had yet to lose. Her blue eyes fell on the silver faucet which mirrored a distorted version of her, much like Amelia had always seen herself. After numerous weeks showering in a bathroom as small as a shoe box, it felt nice to be able to fully fit under the water without having to break her limbs in two, though the woman had probably an advantage with her petite figure compared to Hunt's muscular body. Now, he had bought a house, for him, for her, for them. A place she could call home, driving back to the house with Owen at night after a long day at work. But seeing as their schedules were often unpredictable, it resulted in Amelia passing by Meredith's house from time to time in between surgeries since it was conveniently closer to the hospital and she could hang out with her beloved nephew and nieces; picking them up from school, walking them to the park and buying them ice-cream after promising they don't tell their mom.

Finally, her legs stretched out and her back unhurriedly fell against the sides of the tub; the water fully submerging her bare body but for her head and chest. Amelia remembered why she had so quickly flew from sunny California to rainy Seattle over three years ago, running away from her engagement to James -as she does- and trying to figure out if the married life was what she wanted; the marriage, the perfect kids and the successful career. Quickly she had concluded that no, she just couldn't pull it off at the time. But now, with Owen, it felt possible, it felt good and _right_. She had learned to love and live with kids over the past few years, and she couldn't possibly imagine living in a house that wasn't filled with laughter anymore.

Her stare caught the ceiling, her nape relaxed, she closed her eyes and oh so slowly, let the water creep over the surface of her face and ears. Stealing away the exterior sounds and thoughts. There was just peace in silence, only disturbed by the steady beats of her heart which pulsated from her scalp. In the short moment where Amelia was fully underwater, the day her son was born flashed before her eyes but there was no pain or anger, just peace. With her fingers she traced the outlines of his face, and to this day, she still saw him as the most beautiful baby she had ever seen, perfect in her mother's eyes. She remembered the touch of his delicate newborn skin against her lips and the overwhelming love she felt toward this human she only knew for 43 minutes.

Memories of Ryan smiling flashed back too, being a child on a swing while her father pushed her through the giggles as she yelled for him to swing her higher, and Derek, hugging her with pride and love, and Owen... Her eyes opened under the water, displaying a blurry image of Owen barging into the bathroom and reaching down for her. All sorts of thoughts cursing through his head: had she given up on him? After everything they had been through, was that it? Was that their end?

"Amelia!" He yelled, insistent and worried, pulling her by the arms to the surface. He had run through the house, he was sweating and terrified, heart stopped. She coughed, trying to catch her breath and a notion of time, her wet hair partially covering her face. "What the hell did you do?!" Owen shook her a little, falling to his knees by the side of the tub, with nothing but fear in his tone, bringing Amelia back to the now. Instinctively he scanned her face and body, looking for injuries or any indication that she could have taken drugs again. Her wide blue eyes stared back at him, he could see her breathing and confused, but she was breathing, thank God. He couldn't help but throw his arms around her, ruining his shirt. He just had to hold her tight, here and now, keeping her to himself with her head lovingly cradled in his hands against his chest. It only took her a few endless seconds before she reciprocated the embrace, heart rate stabilized with his. They stayed like this for what felt like hours, drenched in water; him on the bathroom floor and her still in the bath, holding each other as though their lives depended on it. She knew now how much he needed her and how much she shared the same feeling. Just the thought of losing him or even worse, putting him through losing her, it caused her heart to sting a little.

"I knew you didn't have any surgery until later, I wanted to take you out for breakfast..." He murmured then, slowly bringing her face in his hands before him, his eyes searching for answers in hers through his blonde lashes. His voice was sweet and caring, honestly trying to grasp sense of this situation. Had he missed something? Done something? Was this the result of him screwing everything up again? "What happened, Amelia?!"

"I didn't mean to- I didn't want to. It was just a few seconds..." She swallowed slowly, a slight frown on her forehead, drowned into his concerned gaze. Far from her the thoughts of killing herself, though maybe she had lost track of time under the water. It had just felt so good; to let go. "He would have been five today... My son."

Amelia didn't need to finish her sentence, Owen just knew. The loss of her son, he understood. His face turned from worry to pride and sadness, scanning each traits of her face as though he didn't know each of them by heart already. With his fingers, he slowly tucked away the strands of wet hair from her face; she had just missed drowning herself yet she was the most beautiful and strong woman in his eyes and he stared at her like she was. No words were needed.

He grabbed a large towel nearby, carefully holding her hand to bring her up to her feet before he wrapped said-towel around her. "Come on."

Owen escorted her to her bed and they laid there now, the decorative cushions on the floor and bed covers undone. Him on his back, her head against his chest. She lay, tucked against him, in her towel and him in his wet shirt. His day had definitely not started the way he had hoped it would, but he found her in his arms, with his fingers softly skimming through her hair and that's all he needed.

"His name was Ryan." Amelia mumbled, breaking the silence, which took him by surprise. He had never tried to push her, never tried to get information out of her. He always assumed her past was for her to share if she felt the need to. "That was his father's name." He stared down at her though her head was turned the other way, a reassuring hand still in her hair, knowing this was a hard topic to tackle and just the fact that she was willing to share this "part" of her with him -and only him- warmed his heart a little.

"That's a beautiful name, Amelia."

A small bittersweet smile appeared on her lips before she shifted a little, turning her body and face toward him. Propping her head up on her elbow while she stared back at Owen, examining his features as well. A little guilty to have caused him so much worry. "I'm sorry... for earlier. It was only a few seconds. I was just thinking about him, about Derek... _you_."

"Me?" Owen said, now intrigued with where she was going. He believed her if she said it was only a few seconds, it was just a terrifying scene to come to. And he guessed, that with her addiction, the thought of finding her in a similar position would always be a sad possibility.

Their gaze didn't vanish, still glued to each other. Sinking in every breath the other took, the brunette scooted a little closer. "Whatever this is. Us. I want in. I want the wedding and the house and the kids. Lots of kids."

Never had the prospect of ginger-headed kids running around their home been so appealing until it all came from her mouth. Owen's smile broadened, a family that had been denied from him for so long; that's all he had ever wanted. And that future, he wanted it with her too and he couldn't be happier. Just minutes ago, his heart had stopped; thinking he had lost her forever and now they were talking about a real future together in a really _Amelia way_. They both knew the road was not going to be easy, and it would take a lot of patience and communication but they knew now, and they were both ready to take the next step. In the heat of the moment, and at loss for words, his hands reached for her face and pulled her in for a kiss. Pressing his lips hard against hers, eager to demonstrate just how much this statement alone was making him the happiest man on earth.


End file.
